Men and women in the cockpit

Our discussion that day led to a much larger conversation with all the men and women working at the flight school about how to treat each other with respect and professionalism. And while my colleagues rarely manage to make me feel uneasy anymore, I was a 20-year-old girl in the aviation industry once, and that girl didn’t handle things quite as well as the 40-year-old version does now. Older and wiser is a real thing.

Things have happened to me and my female friends that should never have happened in this “modern” century. One of my friends, who was a first officer on a corporate jet, was told to go sit down when attempting to give a safety briefing to her passengers because the passenger didn’t need a “flight attendant” telling him how to open the door of an airplane. Another of my friends endured long, unwanted hugs from the flight school owner’s father every day at work because she didn’t want to be rude. A female flight instructor friend was told by one of her students that he would be asking a male CFI to conduct his long cross-country because he was aware that women tire easily. A regional airline friend found pornographic magazines left in the right seat of the cockpit that she had to move so she could sit down and get to work. Another pilot friend was asked about Viagra by the examiner on her very first airline checkride.

OK, I’m lying. Those stories aren’t entirely true. They didn’t happen to friends. They all happened to me.

I’m saying the things I wish someone would have told me when I took my first flight lesson.Knowing these stories are tame in comparison to what the first women in cockpits experienced, please understand I’m not looking for sympathy here. I am simply speaking to an industry full of well-intentioned men and women who want to fly together in peace, but maybe don’t have all the tools or knowledge to do so. I’m saying the things I wish someone would have told me when I took my first flight lesson, or since I have two daughters and a son, maybe I’m speaking to them, too, so they can fly in a world that is better equipped to handle each other’s differences.

Hey Nat,

I’m so glad you made the decision to take that first flight lesson.

You’re going to love flying for the rest of your life. It will complete you and challenge you in ways you can never imagine. There will be hard things though. You’re working in a male-dominated industry. As part of the 6 percent of female pilots, there are some things you need to know. Never let anyone make you feel uncomfortable. If a male pilot wants to hug you or stand too close or lean right over your shoulder while you’re reading a checklist, you can just say ‘I’m not a hugger,’ or ‘No thank you,’ or whatever makes him respect your personal space. Don’t worry about sounding rude or hurting his feelings. That’s not your problem. If a male pilot says something that feels off, like he enjoyed flying with you because you have a ‘nice smile,’ ask yourself whether he would say that to another male pilot. If the answer is no, then it’s OK to speak up. You have a right to be respected in the cockpit for your flying skills rather than the way you look.

On that topic, please don’t look like you’re going to the bar when you’re at the airport. Dress like a professional if you want to earn the esteem of your male counterparts. Even the nicest guys, especially the nicest guys, may rush to be chivalrous or offer help when you don’t really need it. You’re not on a date. You’re at the airport. So, open your own door or hold it open for him if you get there first. Don’t let your male co-pilots preflight for you just because it’s cold or raining. Don’t sit back and wait for help. You are fully capable of handling anything the airplane may require of you.

Men and women alike will get these things wrong. But it’s important to keep trying to base your behavior on mutual respect for the folks you are flying with. They are some of the kindest and bravest people you will ever meet. Enjoy them while you can.

Love,

Your older self

myaviation101.com