Pilots decoded

Pilots speak their own lingo. As a result, they tend to translate ordinary everyday communication into a coded language in much the same way football players translate coded gobbledygook into specific actions on the field.

Here are some examples of “normal people-speak” followed by the interpreted “pilot speak.” For those of you who don’t understand all of this, ask a pilot. For those who do, my apologies.

What a nonpilot (N) says, and what the pilot (P) hears:

 

N: There’s been a change in plans.

P: Contact Clearance about a reroute.

 

N: There is something wrong with…

P: Call Maintenance Control.

 

N: We’re late.

P: Our on-time numbers just took a hit.

 

N: Call your parents.

P: Contact Center on…

 

N: The fridge is making a funny noise.

P: Run the Refrigerator Irregular Operations Checklist. I have the controls.

 

N: There’s a serious problem with the coffee machine.

P: Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!

 

N: You aren’t going anywhere.

P: Ground stop. Shut ‘er down.

 

N: I see you.

P: Radar contact.

 

N: I can’t see you.

P: Recycle your transponder.

 

N: I’m not in the mood.

P: Request denied.

 

N: There appears to be a traffic jam ahead.

P: Holding instructions. Advise ready to copy.

 

N: Now what?

P: Say intentions.

 

N: What’s the date?

P: I know two dates: the first and second pay date of each month. If you want anything else, you’re on your own.

 

N: I thought we had an agreement.

P: Say again. Your transmission was garbled.

 

N: The car is in the shop. We need a rental.

P: We need to maintain operational integrity.

 

N: The mechanic didn’t find anything wrong with the car.

P: Could not duplicate the problem. Ops check “good.”

 

N: You aren’t going to believe how simple it was to fix.

P: Loose cannon plug/switch/sensor/wire/dead lightbulb.

 

N: Oops…

P: [Unprintable.]